Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
