i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We're too hungover to prance.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
