Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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