hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
