OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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