My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
