I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
