so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
