We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
