My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He is an equal opportunity slut.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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