thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I wish there were birth control emojis
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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