a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
