so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
there was a trapeze. enough said
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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