I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
