Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
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