'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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