why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
