I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
