Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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