awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
