Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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