I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
