sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
