Cold hands, warm shart.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
