Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
