Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
