Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's the barista slut.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
