I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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