He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
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Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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