Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
