Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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