Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
