At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
