dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
