my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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