What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
