dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
