so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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