I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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