Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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