Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
