Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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