do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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