white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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