Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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