So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
