Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Less talking, more tequila
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
