Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
