her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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