I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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