I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
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He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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