hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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