Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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