So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
