I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
