OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
