We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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