True but thats because hes a fetus.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Randomize
