Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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