I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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