i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
