And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
