I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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