i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
