That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
