Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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