I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
