OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
