apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
