He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
