yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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