I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
