i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
