last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
