we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My hand turned me down
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
