So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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