Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
