I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
