Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
