i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Four minutes until I can fart!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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