it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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