I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
